tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
