i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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