I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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