please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
