I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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