I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
