in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
