sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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