12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
