I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
