Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
