Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
