GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
