I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
