.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
