I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
