I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
