Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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