I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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