your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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