I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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