I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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