my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
