it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
