I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
