we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
