Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
