You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
