I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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