I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
