Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am one with the molecules
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
