I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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