2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
