the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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