So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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