Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
