She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
