I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
