It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
