I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
