eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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