I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
