No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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