Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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