Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
