Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
