When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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