Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
