I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
