Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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