She said her name was "party"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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