i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
