seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
