Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The air was thick with penises
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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