I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
