just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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