I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
