Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
