So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
not ubering you a puppy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I forget how to act sober
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