where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
