I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
