Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize