Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
smell my finger.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
