I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
