Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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