Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
