insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
