I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
