I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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