I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize