Your face is a jimmy john
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
