i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
