There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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