I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My ass is underappreciated
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
