just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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