He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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