why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im holly from the hills drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
